


Nothing

by AngelandCollins



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Gen, warning: self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 10:35:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2225883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelandCollins/pseuds/AngelandCollins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was trying out a new kind of writing style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing

“Okay, I’m going to my room…”

“Of course you are.” My Dad says, the sarcasm dripping from his mouth so real I could practically see it burning a hole through the couch.

My heart shudders to a stop. Not only did he dismiss me earlier for being “too sensitive” when a show made fun about self-harm (which for the record was funny and part of the dark humor of the show, but I still flinched when they made the jokes and finally said they made me a bit uncomfortable) but now, he was jabbing at me with sarcasm and anger and… what felt like disappointment.

I said nothing.

I put on my little smile, kissed his head and told him I loved him. He said he loved me back, but it sounded more like another sarcastic jab then a sincere thing. 

I still said nothing.

I said nothing, and walked up the stairs to my room. 

I quietly came down for my charger, my mother asking if I was okay. I smiled and said I was.

I said nothing.

The real words wouldn’t fall from my lips. I didn’t tell them that I was done being clean. I didn’t tell them about my heart ripping into pieces when they thought I was being stupid, because it just confirmed that I was. I didn’t tell them that when I had had a panic attack earlier, I felt a little humiliated that they had to come over and calm me down for an exam. I didn’t tell them that I still didn’t believe that I was going to make it to graduation and there was a strong part of me that wanted to give up the act and just not do any studying or anything because it wasn’t going to matter if I was dead. I wanted to, the words burning behind my lips like molten lava ready to spew and burn and hurt everyone in its wake. 

And I still said nothing.

I didn’t utter a single word as I trudged up the stairs to my room, which was once my haven and now felt like a prison.

I didn’t sing a single note when I tried to play my feelings on the guitar. 

I didn’t articulate a single sound as I slowly gave up.

As I slowly gave in.

I didn’t disclose a single breath as I took my hidden blade out and ran it against the top of my thigh, wishing so badly that I could cut into my wrist.

Again 

And again

And again

And

Again.

I didn’t vocalize a single syllable as I wished to drag biting, silver kisses against the unmarred skin of my right wrist.  
I said nothing.

And became nothing.


End file.
